Every year Hollywood, Independent Studios, and Foreign Studios collectively release well over 500 movies. You could watch 2 movies per day every day of the year and still have over 100 movies you missed. Some of them are great, others not so great. With so many movies being released, I’ve taken the liberty of watching as many as I could with the time I’m given so that I could let readers like you know which movies they should watch, ones they would be better off missing, and ones that may be straight-up harmful.

Below are lists of all the movies I watched that were released this year: “The Best” section offers insights on films I think are great and should be watched by everyone, “Honorable Mentions” are ones I thought were so close to being great that I felt like they needed some explanation as to what I did and did not like about them, the “Eh, it was fine” section list films that are most likely to be forgettable, the “Disappointments” list is self-explanatory, and finally “Hot Garbage” is a list of films that should not have been made and I absolutely do not recommend any of them.

I hope you enjoy.

Sections:

The Best
Honorable Mentions
“Eh, It Was Fine”
Disappointments
Hot Garbage
Final Tally (with Honest Consensus)

The Best

Bad Boys For Life

Release Date: January 17th
Director: Adil El Arbi, Bilall Fallah
Writer: Chris Bremner, Peter Craig, Joe Carnahan
Starring: Will Smith, Martin Lawrence
Plot: Mike Lowrey and Marcus Burnett are back together for one “last” ride.
Why it’s good: One of my most-hyped-for movies of 2020 didn’t disappoint. We get more of the Bad Boys action and comedy we’ve come to love… and it’s without Michael Bay. Will Smith and Martin Lawrence are still perfect together, the comedy still hits, there’s a hilarious cameo, the action scenes are great, the writing is… good enough, a few surprises, and an awesome shot of Martin holding a fucking Gatling Gun. Buddy-cop movies can still be fun in 2020. Can we get the Bad Boys & 21 Jump Street crossover now?
A Great Line: “We’re not just black, we’re cops too! We’ll pull ourselves over later!”
Interesting Fact: Both directors make cameos: Bilall Fallah is the guy trying to seduce Paola Nuñez in the club. Adil El Arbi gets pulled out of the Jeep by Will Smith while getting out of the club.
Best Moment: There’s a scene where a bunch of people, including Will Smith, chant Marcus. It definitely fed my ego.
Metascore: 59
Coffee Sip Score™: 8/10
Oscar Odds ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: LOL no
Where to find: Amazon

The Gentlemen

Release Date: January 24th
Director: Guy Ritchie
Writers: Guy Ritchie; Ivan Atkinson; Marn Davies
Starring: Matthew McConaughey, Charlie Hunnam, Michelle Dockery, Colin Farrell, Hugh Grant
Plot: An American ex-pat tries to sell off his highly profitable marijuana empire in London, triggering plots, schemes, bribery, and blackmail in an attempt to steal his domain out from under him.
Why it’s good: This is a cute little movie. It’s classic Guy Ritchie. The cast is stacked, it’s wacky, crazy, funny, the writing is great, the score and cinematography are fine, and there’s a musical number in a secret weed chamber.
A Great Line: “Play a game with me, Ray.”
Interesting Fact: Hugh Grant filmed his scenes with Charlie Hunnam in 5 days, and had to deliver over 40 pages of dialogue within the shoot.
Best Moment: It’s hard to pick but I’d have to say the scene with Ray talking to 4 douche-bags and trying to get Laura Pressfield to go home.
Metascore: 51
Coffee Sip Score™: 8/10
Oscar Odds ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: Original Screenplay
Where to find: Amazon

Impractical Jokers: The Movie

Release Date: February 21st
Director: Chris Henchy
Writers: Chris Henchy; Brian Quinn; Joe Gatto; James Murray; Sal Vulcano
Starring: Brian Quinn; Joe Gatto; James Murray; Sal Vulcano
Plot: The Joker’s past catches up with them.
Why it’s good: If you’ve never seen an episode of Impractical Jokers, you may have a rough time. If you’re a fan of the Impractical Jokers, this is a no-brainer. Obviously, I’m the latter. The movie is just what you’d expect from these four boys. The overall story of the movie is… fine I guess. It was just good enough to make sense as to why they needed to do this. Most of the challenges were great, though there was one I found to be too uncomfortable. I also enjoyed the mini punishments they did. Alongside the challenges, they would randomly do things like: Q had to give a presentation to 600 people and the other guys wrote it. It seemed unnecessary and random, but hilarious nonetheless.
Interesting Fact: Each time Murr opens his hotel room door to reveal his room, the other guys had no idea what he had set up inside. The first time the guys saw it was on camera.
Best Moment: Probably when Joe locks Sal in a room with a real tiger.
Metascore: 39
Coffee Sip Score™: 9/10
Oscar Odds ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: LOL No

Timmy Failure: Mistakes Were Made

Release Date: February 7th
Director: Tom McCarthy
Writers: Tom McCarthy; Stephan Pastis
Starring: Winslow Fegley, Ophelia Lovibond, Wallace Shawn, Craig Robinson, Chloe Coleman, Kei
Plot: An 11-year-old boy who believes that he is the best detective in town runs the agency Total Failures with his best friend, an imaginary 1,200-pound polar bear.
Why it’s good: It’s a cute movie that is clearly for children. It’s cute, fun, heartwarming, it has a great cast, hilarious dialogue, and insane moments. It’s just a good time.
Interesting Fact: This is the first Disney’s live-action film of the 2020s to be rated PG by the MPA.
Metascore: 60
Coffee Sip Score™: 7/10
Oscar Odds ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: Nah
Where to find: Disney+

Onward

Release Date: March 6th
Director: Dan Scanlon
Writers: Dan Scanlon, Jason Headley, Keith Bunin
Starring: Tom Holland, Chris Pratt, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Octavia Spencer
Plot: Two elvish brothers go on a quest to revive their dad.
Why it’s good: This shouldn’t come as any surprise. This movie is absolutely gorgeous. The cinematography, visuals, production design, and animation all make this movie look great. The writing is spectacular and along with many laughs, quotable dialogue, and a heartwarming (although used) message. I was super hyped for this movie and it did not disappoint.
Interesting Fact: The first Disney movie to be released for digital download while still in theaters.
A Quote: “Put it in O, for onward!”
Best Moment: Hard to pick but I’d have to say the final fight.
Metascore: 61
Coffee Sip Score™: 7.5/10
Oscar Odds ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: Best Animated
Where to find: Amazon, Disney+

The Hunt

Release Date: March 13th
Director: Craig Zobel
Writers: Nick Cuse, Damon Lindelof
Starring: Betty Gilpin
Plot: A bunch of rich pieces-of-shit hunt middle-class citizens for sport.
Why it’s good: First of all, ignore all the marketing you’ve seen for this movie. Including the quotes you see on the poster above. For some reason, they over-hyped this movie, “The Most Talked About Movie Of The Year.” Yeah… whatever. Anyway, this movie reminded me of the movies made by the V/H/S friend-group (Matt Bettinelli-Olpin: Ready or Not, Adam Wingard: You’re Next, etc.). It’s crazy, bloody, fast-paced, funny, loud, and stupid. Betty Gilpin’s bad-ass performance is absolutely fantastic. Again, the marketing makes this movie seem like it’s supposed to spread the “eat the rich” message. But honestly, just turn your brain off and enjoy the wacky action on the screen.
Interesting Fact: The movie was yanked from its original release date due to mass shootings then rescheduled for March 13th, 2020 to then be affected drastically at the box office by the global COVID-19 pandemic.
A Great Line: “Hi bitch.”
Metascore: 50
Coffee Sip Score™: 8/10
Oscar Odds ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: LOL NO
Where to find: Amazon

El Hoyo (The Platform)

Release Date: March 20th
Director: Galder Gaztelu-Urrutia
Writers: David Desola
Starring: Ivan Massagué
Plot: A man wakes up in the cell of a vertical-style prison. Crossed by a hole where a platform descends with meal remains left from the tenants from higher levels.
Why it’s good: First off, whatever you do, do not watch this movie with English dubbing. Watch it in the original Spanish language with subtitles. I say this because on Netflix, you can opt for English dubbing. And holy shit… it is horrendous. I always emphasize how people need to watch foreign films, because there are so many that are absolutely fantastic (Parasite, The Guilty, Downfall, etc.). As the legendary Bong Joon-Ho (director/writer of Parasite) once said, “Once you overcome the 1-inch-tall barrier of subtitles, you will be introduced to so many more amazing films. The Platform is no exception. It’s crazy, funny, gross, and super dark. The ending will leave you wanting more and is open for much interpretation.
Metascore: 73
Coffee Sip Score™: 8/10
Oscar Odds ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: Nah
Where to find: Netflix

All the Bright Places

Release Date: February 28th
Director: Brett Haley
Writers: Liz Hannah, Jennifer Niven
Starring: Elle Fanning, Justice Smith
Plot: Two broken people fall in love… you know.
Why it’s good: Beautiful soundtrack, great performances (Ellie Fanning is 👌👌👌), the cinematography is fine, the writing is fine, the dialogue is great, there are heavy themes, and to all the easy criers out there… brace yourselves for the final act. Sometimes, the world ain’t so bad. Also (spoiler, I guess?) I don’t know why Justice Smith has a beard in the poster. Not once in the movie does he show a beard.
Interesting Fact: Elle Fanning was cast for the lead five months prior to the release of the book.
A Great Line: “I wasn’t worried about what would happen if I lived. I was worried about what would happen if I didn’t.”
Metascore: 61
Coffee Sip Score™: 7/10
Oscar Odds ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: Nah
Where to find: Netflix

The Invisible Man

Release Date: February 28th
Director: Leigh Whannell
Writers: Leigh Whannell
Starring: Elisabeth Moss, Aldis Hodge, Storm Reid
Plot: A woman makes a daring escape from her abusive boyfriend. When he turns up dead a few weeks later, weird shit begins to happen.
Why it’s good: This movie surprised me. I thought it was just going to be another bad remake. But Horror God Leigh Whannell proved me very wrong. This movie is absolutely fantastic and is made with pristine filmmaking. The writing, cinematography, score, sound, directing, the tension building, and Elisabeth Moss’s performance are all solid and mix together smoothly. There are some effective scares, but it’s mainly the suspense that’ll get to you.
Interesting Fact: The outside wall of the mental institution has a graffiti piece depicting Billy the Puppet, the doll the Jigsaw Killer uses in Saw (2004).
Metascore: 71
Coffee Sip Score™: 9/10
Oscar Odds ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: Nah
Where to find: Amazon

Emma.

Release Date: March 6th
Director: Autumn de Wilde
Writers: Eleanor Catton
Starring: Anya Taylor-Joy, Mia Goth, Johnny Flynn, Bill Nighy
Plot: In 1800s England, a well-meaning but selfish young woman meddles in the love lives of her friends.
Why it’s good: First of all, Anya Taylor-Joy is 👌❤️👌❤️👌❤️. Period pieces tend to be overdone and stupid, but Emma is a great time (no pun intended). It’s a lot of fun, hilarious, heartwarming, has a great cast and score, the make-up/hair and costume design are amazing, and the cinematography is sometimes fantastic.
Interesting Fact: All of the music performances in the film are real, played by the actors in character. None are staged.
A Great Line: “If I loved you less, then I might be able to talk about it more…”
Metascore: 71
Coffee Sip Score™: 8/10
Oscar Odds ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: Nah
Where to find: Amazon

Never Rarely Sometimes Always

Release Date: April 3rd
Director: Eliza Hittman
Writers: Eliza Hittman
Starring: Sidney Flanigan, Talia Ryder
Plot: A pair of teenage girls in rural Pennsylvania travel to New York City to seek out medical help after an unintended pregnancy.
Why it’s good: A brilliant character study about two girls going through something many other young women also go through. I usually don’t enjoy character study movies, I find them boring. But Sidney’s performance, Eliza’s writing and directing, the clear symbolism, the deep and scary realism, the way this film shows A LOT more than telling all kept my interest for the whole runtime.
Metascore: 92
Coffee Sip Score™: 8/10
Oscar Odds ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: Eliza Hittman for Director or Sidney Flanigan for lead actress
Where to find: Amazon

Justice League Dark: Apokolips War / Superman: Red Son

Release Date: May 5th (JL:AW) / February 25th (S:RS)
Director: Matt Peters & Christina Sotta (JL:AW) / Sam Liu (S:RS)
Writers: Ernie Altbacker (JL:AW) / J.M. DeMatteis (S:RS)
Plot: In JL:AW, Darkseid makes yet another attempt to destroy Earth. In S:RS… imagine if Clark Kent was Russian.
Why they’re good: I moved S:RS up to here because god damn both of these movies are absolutely insane. JL:AW is extremely brutal and S:RS is hilarious when it comes to its alternate universe. If you want to see dark as fuck, brutal, action packed, bat-shit insane, and yet still funny DC movies that don’t make you hate yourself… look no further. DC movies could easily have a cinematic universe as big if not bigger than the MCU if they just focused on these style films (yes, R rating and all) instead of… the fucking Snyder Cut.
Coffee Sip Score™: 10/10 for both. Easy.
Oscar Odds ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: Nah
Where to find: S:RS / JL:AW

The Vast of Night

Release Date: May 29th
Director: Andrew Patterson
Writers: Andrew Patterson (as James Montague), Craig W. Sanger
Starring: Sierra McCormick, Jake Horowitz
Plot: In the twilight of the 1950s, on one fateful night in New Mexico, a young switchboard operator and a charismatic radio DJ discover a strange audio frequency that could change their small town and the future forever.
Why it’s good: An extremely small budget film that easily puts Andrew Patterson on my radar. A simple story, solid performances, incredible production design and cinematography, and extremely thrilling. I was seriously at the edge of my seat. And holy shit watching this on a late weekend night would amplify the aesthetic ten-fold.
Coffee Sip Score™: 9/10
Oscar Odds ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: I highly doubt it, but I would like to see Directing, Sound, Production Design, Cinematography maybe?
Where to find: Prime

Disclosure

Release Date: June 19th
Director: Sam Feder
Plot: An in-depth look at Hollywood’s depiction of transgender people and the impact of those stories on transgender lives and American culture.
Why it’s good: An extremely well-made, eye-opening, educational, passionate, and important documentary that shows that although things have improved in recent years, there’s still much work to be done.
Coffee Sip Score™: 9/10
Oscar Odds ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: It’d be ironic for the Acadamy to give an Oscar to a documentary calling out Hollywood
Where to find: Netflix

Da 5 Bloods

Release Date: June 12th
Director: Spike Lee
Writers: Danny Bilson, Paul De Meo, Kevin Willmott, Spike Lee
Starring: Clarke Peters, Delroy Lindo, Norm Lewis, Isiah Whitlock Jr., Jonathan Majors, Chadwick Boseman
Plot: Four African American vets battle the forces of man and nature when they return to Vietnam seeking the remains of their fallen squad leader and the gold fortune he helped them hide.
Why it’s good: Incredible performances, brutal, fierce, epic, powerful, and beautiful. Spike Lee puts everything into one of his most impactful films yet. And I’m glad they gave Isiah Whitlock Jr. a “shit” line, but wow did it feel forced.
Coffee Sip Score™: 9/10
Oscar Odds ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: Directing, Best Picture, Original Screenplay, Production Design
Where to find: Netflix

Crip Camp

Release Date: March 25th
Director: James Lebrecht, Nicole Newnham
Writers: James Lebrecht, Nicole Newnham
Plot: Down the road from Woodstock, a revolution blossomed at a ramshackle summer camp for teenagers with disabilities, transforming their lives and igniting a landmark movement.
Why it’s good: An incredible step back in time to take a look at the lives of people that aren’t very different from you and me. Important, insightful, powerful, and inspirational.
Coffee Sip Score™: 9/10
Oscar Odds ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: Documentary
Where to find: Netflix

VHYes

Release Date: January 12th
Director: Jack Henry Robbins
Writers: Nunzio Randazzo, Jack Henry Robbins
Plot: This bizarre retro comedy, shot entirely on VHS and Beta, follows 12-year-old Ralph as he accidentally records home videos and his favorite late night shows over his parents’ wedding tape.
Why it’s good: It reminds me of some dumb commercials and skits you would see on Adult Swim. The writing is incredible, the commercials/skits are hilarious, and the overall story is thought provoking and may hit a little too close to home for some. I can’t wait to see it again and look for extra things in the background I missed.
Coffee Sip Score™: 9/10
Oscar Odds ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: LOL No
Where to find: Hulu

porno

Release Date: May 8th
Director: Keola Racela
Writers: Matt Black, Laurence Vannicelli
Staring: David Arrow, Evan Daves, Blake French
Plot: What starts as a normal after-hours party at a movie theater… things get really fucking weird.
Why it’s good: LOL good luck trying to tell anyone about this movie or even searching it on the internet. This movie is hilarious, gory, scary, and has pretty good writing, dialogue, cinematography, and production design. The theme is crystal clear, and don’t let the title turn you away.
A Great Line: “Guys… When we watched that movie, we unleashed a sex demon.”
Metascore: 49
Coffee Sip Score™: 8/10
Oscar Odds ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: LOL No
Where to find: Amazon

Relic

Release Date: July 10th
Director: Natalie Erika James
Writers: Natalie Erika James, Christian White
Staring: Emily Mortimer, Robyn Nevin, Bella Heathcote
Plot: A daughter, mother and grandmother are haunted by a manifestation of dementia that consumes their family’s home.
Why it’s good: A terrifying look at the effects of dementia on not just the victim, but the whole family. The production design, cinematography, score, and performances are all fantastic and blend together seamlessly.
Metascore: 76
Coffee Sip Score™: 8/10
Oscar Odds ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: Nah
Where to find: Rent on Youtube

The Lodge

Release Date: February 7th
Director: Severin Fiala, Veronika Franz
Writers: Sergio Casci, Veronika Franz, Severin Fiala
Staring: Riley Keough, Jaeden Martell, Lia McHugh
Plot: A soon-to-be stepmom is snowed in with her fiancé’s two children at a remote holiday village. Just as relations begin to thaw between the trio, some strange and frightening events take place.
Why it’s good: Despite being kind of predictable and having strong The Shining vibes, The Lodge is a slow burn that is very unsettling as it leaves many horrifying things to our imagination. Fuckin’ cults man… they’ll get you.
Metascore: 64
Coffee Sip Score™: 8/10
Oscar Odds ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: Nah
Where to find: Hulu

1BR

Release Date: April 24th
Director: David Marmor
Writers: David Marmor
Staring: Nicole Brydon Bloom, Giles Matthey, Taylor Nichols
Plot: Fuckin’ cults man… they’ll get you.
Why it’s good: A fun and wild time. 1BR is terrifying and breaks away from many of the horror cliches. Also Nicole Brydon Bloom is 👌❤️👌❤️👌❤️.
Metascore: 56
Coffee Sip Score™: 8/10
Oscar Odds ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: Nah
Where to find: Netflix

Honorable Mentions

The movies in this section were ones that should belong in the “Eh, it was fine” section, but I feel that they at the very least deserve an explanation as to what I did and did not like.

Gretel & Hansel

Release Date: January 31st
Director: Oz Perkins
Writer: Rob Hayes
Starring: Sophia Lillis, Samuel Leakey, Charles Babalola
Why it’s good: Visually, the movie is great. The cinematography, production design, and lighting all make this film look beautiful.
Why it didn’t make the list: Unfortunately though, that doesn’t make up for the dull re-done story. I found myself snoozing off sometimes.
Metascore: 64
Coffee Sip Score™: 7/10
Oscar Odds ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: Nah
Where to find: Amazon on April 7th

Birds of Prey

Release Date: February 7th
Director: Cathy Yan
Writer: Christina Hodson
Starring: Margot Robbie
Why it’s good: The pacing and score were fine, Margot is still perfect as Harley, Jurnee Smollett-Bell as Canary was great, Ewan McGregor was clearly having fun, and the production design and cinematography were excellent.
Why it didn’t make the list: There were quite a few things that were annoying: The Harley Quinn narration, Detective Montoya, the clear Deadpool inspiration, and most of the dialogue. The comedy was also really bad. This movie was rated R but the comedy was written for 15 year-olds.
Metascore: 60
Coffee Sip Score™: 6/10
Oscar Odds ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: Nah
Where to find: Amazon

Sonic The Hedgehog

Release Date: February 14th
Director: Jeff Fowler
Writer: Patrick Casey, Josh Miller
Starring: James Marsden, Ben Schwartz, Jim Carrey
Why it’s good: Holy shit they actually pulled it off. I can’t believe it. This movie isn’t that bad guys. In terms of kids movies, this isn’t anywhere near the level of Disney/Pixar movies or The Lego Movie, but it certainly is better than ~~The Em*ji Mo*ie~~. In terms of video game movies, it’s definitely high on the list, but it doesn’t beat Detective Pikachu. The movie is harmless. Sonic was adorable at times, Jim Carry was perfect as Dr. Robotnik (he was clearly just having fun), there were come cool camera shots, the pacing was great, meme lords will enjoy a certain cameo, and I did find myself laughing sometimes. Kids will love this movie, hardcore fans of Sonic may think otherwise. I don’t know. I’m not either of those. I don’t care at all about Sonic and I will probably never see this again. I can’t even imagine how this would have turned out if they kept the original design. We now live in a timeline with a live-action Sonic The Hedgehog movie that isn’t bad. That mid-credits scene though.
Why it didn’t make the list: This should come as obvious, but the acting, dialogue, and obvious product placements were cringy and campy. To the point it got kind of annoying. The CGI was poorly done, but given they had to delay the movie to completely redesign Sonic, is it justified?
Metascore: 47
Coffee Sip Score™: 6/10
Oscar Odds ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: LOL No
Where to find: Amazon

Escape from Pretoria

Release Date: March 6th
Director: Francis Annan
Writer: Francis Annan, L.H. Adams
Starring: Daniel Radcliffe, Daniel Webber, Mark Leonard Winter, Ian Hart
Plot: A good old jailbreak movie.
Why it’s good: Genuinely thrilling, suspenseful, and great production design.
Why it didn’t make the list: There’s no depth to this movie. No connection to the characters leads to an ending that is meant to be emotional, but it doesn’t resonate. The suspenseful parts were so heavy and lasted so long that by the end you just want the movie to end.
Metascore: 56
Coffee Sip Score™: 6/10
Oscar Odds ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: Nah
Where to find: Amazon

The Way Back

Release Date: March 6th
Director: Gavin O’Connor
Writer: Brad Ingelsby
Starring: Ben Affleck
Plot: An alcoholic piece of shit finds purpose in coaching his old high school’s basketball team.
Why it’s good: Ben Affleck’s performance is great, the score is great, and the plot is heavy, real, and heartwarming.
Why it didn’t make the list: I’m biased against sports movies, they are filled with cliches, and this is no exception.
A Good Quote: “Don’t underestimate the impact you can have on them.”
Metascore: 68
Coffee Sip Score™: 7/10
Oscar Odds ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: Ben Affleck Lead Actor maybe?, Best Picture?
Where to find: Amazon

Trolls World Tour

Release Date: April 10th
Director: Walt Dohrn
Writer: Jonathan Aibel, Glenn Berger, Maya Forbes, Wallace Wolodarsky,
Elizabeth Tippet
Starring: Anna Kendrick, Justin Timberlake, Rachel Bloom
Plot: Poppy and Branch discover that they are but one of six different Troll tribes scattered over six different lands devoted to six different kinds of music.
Why it’s good: It’s colorful, vibrant, hilarious, nostalgic (?), a lot of fun, and the villain is fantastic. Mr. Dinkles is a God. I’m sure watching this on as big of a screen as possible and in 4K would be incredible.
Why it didn’t make the list: Much like its predecessor, the last few moments are VERY similar, the film overstays its welcome, and there’re no songs that really stick out like “Can’t Stop the Feeling!” and “Get Back Up Again” from the first. This has to be the last time they use this formula or else there’s no chance of any successful additions in the future.
Metascore: 51
Coffee Sip Score™: 7/10
Oscar Odds ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: Animation maybe? Idk it depends on what Disney/Pixar releases this year.
Where to find: Amazon

The Lovebirds

Release Date: May 22nd
Director: Michael Showalter
Writer: Brendan Gall, Aaron Abrams
Starring: Issa Rae, Kumail Nanjiani
Plot: A couple experiences a defining moment in their relationship when they are unintentionally embroiled in a murder mystery.
Why it’s good: The cinematography is great and Issa and Kumail are funny and a lot of fun. Even though I’m single, I’m just going to throw it out there that this would make for a nice ‘Stay home and watch a movie’ date night.
Why it didn’t make the list: The writing is tedious, generic, and feels like a lot of time of wasted.
Metascore: 58
Coffee Sip Score™: 7/10
Oscar Odds ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: Nah
Where to find: Netflix

Extraction

Release Date: April 24th
Director: Sam Hargrave
Writer: Joe Russo
Starring: Chris Hemsworth
Plot: A badass Austrilian dude is hired to rescue another dude.
Why it’s good: It’s a fun movie… I guess? Chris Hemsworth is great and the action scenes and cinematography can be great sometimes. There is a I do think it’s a great movie to just turn your brain off and watch on a weekend or something. Especially now. Just don’t bring the kids… or do… I don’t care. There is also a brutal child murder scene… which I tend to.. *cough cough* find amusing *cough cough* in movies.
Why it didn’t make the list: By ‘sometimes’ I mean this movie likes to stroke its own ego by making its action sequences too long and the cinematography can become too jarring or annoying. During some action scenes they made it look like one long take, but it seemed like they were doing that simply because, “Woah guys look what we can do with our camera. Sick fuckin’ action shots bro.”
Metascore: 56
Coffee Sip Score™: 7/10
Oscar Odds ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: Nah
Where to find: Netflix

Bulletproof 2

Release Date: January 7th
Director: Don Michael Paul
Writer: Don Michael Paul, Rich Wilkes
Starring: Faizon Love, Kirk Fox
Plot: 25 years after the first installment, the boys are back.
Why it’s good: LOL I moved this up from the Eh, It’s Fine category because I do still think about this movie sometimes. The dialogue can be hilarious enough and the overall film is goofy enough to make it so you can sit through the whole thing. If you’re just looking for a dumb movie to watch while drunk on a weekend with your friends, this’ll do the trick.
A Great Line: “It’s an eight”. (Okay, the build up to this line and the delivery of it alone is why I moved this film up a category. It made me lose my shit.)
Why it didn’t make the list: Why does this movie even exist? I never even saw the first one. Don’t get me wrong, this movie is not well-made at all. The editing may make you vomit, and… well obviously the actors are different from the original.
Coffee Sip Score™: 6/10
Oscar Odds ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: LOL NO
Where to find: Netflix

The Assistant

Release Date: January 24th (Sundance)
Director: Kitty Green
Writer: Kitty Green
Starring: Julia Garner
Plot: As an assistant to a powerful executive follows her daily routine, she grows increasingly aware of the insidious abuse that threatens every aspect of her position.
Why it’s good: Julia Garner fucking kills it in this. Holy shit. Everything (for me) clicked during a certain scene around the 50-minute mark. And from there, I was speechless until the credits rolled. Fuck
Why it didn’t make the list: I’m still not a huge fan of character studies, I find them boring. The first hour of this was no exception. It could also be because I am a guy.
Metascore:
Coffee Sip Score™: 7/10
Oscar Odds ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: I’d like to see Julia Garner get a lead actress nom
Where to find: Vudu

Greyhound

Release Date: July 10th
Director: Aaron Schneider
Writer: Tom Hanks
Starring: Tom Hanks
Plot: Several months after the U.S. entry into World War II, an inexperienced U.S. Navy commander must lead an Allied convoy being stalked by a German submarine wolf pack.
Why it’s good: Incredible action, thrilling suspense, satisfying cinematography, terrifying atmosphere and score, and a fun performance from Tom Hanks.
Why it didn’t make the list: All of the action distracted us from connecting to any of the characters.
Metascore:
Coffee Sip Score™: 7/10
Oscar Odds ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: I’m sure the academy will love this. Maybe a Tom Hanks nod
Where to find: Apple TV

Tenet

Release Date: September 3rd
Director: Christopher Nolan
Writer: Christopher Nolan
Starring: John David Washington, Robert Pattinson
Plot: Oh God… um… It’s time travel
Why it’s good: There is no doubt in anyone’s mind that Nolan is a powerful and visionary filmmaker. Tenet is a fresh original concept that we need from Hollywood right now. However, I did only see this once, and I do want to see it again, just not in theaters. The only good things I have to say about it after one viewing was the concept and score were pretty good. That’s it. No where near Nolan’s best, but it is better than Dunkirk.
Why it didn’t make the list: Holy shit I was so confused. It got to a point where I just lost track of everything going on and just finished the film out of spite. The performances were shit and the pacing, especially at the beginning, was awful and really added to the confusion. Why the hell did Kenneth Branagh mumble the entire time? If I do watch this again, I’ll watch with subtitles. Also, it’s fucking time travel; and we all know how I feel about time travel.
Metascore:
Coffee Sip Score™: 7/10
Oscar Odds ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: Please God no
Where to find: Theaters

Enola Holmes

Release Date: September 23rd
Director: Harry Bradbeer
Writer: Jack Thorne
Starring: Millie Bobby Brown, Henry Cavill, Sam Claflin
Plot: The sister of the Great Sherlock Holmes, Enola Holmes, wakes to find her mother has gone missing. When she sets out to find her, she discovers a plot that goes deeper than she could imagine.
Why it’s good: I’m a sucker for Sherlock Holmes lore, and I have loved nearly all of the most recent adaptations: i.e. Robert Downey Jr. and Benedict Cumberbatch. This adaptation was fine, honestly. I think this would make for an excellent family movie night. The cinematography was incredibly beautiful, the score was great, and Bobby Brown’s and Cavill’s performances are fantastic. I would love to see more of Cavill as Holmes.
Why it didn’t make the list: The pacing is kinda shit. The film feels way too long, but the most annoying thing was Enola’s 4th Wall Breaking. It just didn’t work for me and took me out of the film every time she did it.
Metascore:
Coffee Sip Score™: 7/10
Oscar Odds ¯\_(ツ)_/¯: I doubt it
Where to find: Netflix

“Eh, It Was Fine”

The following titles are ones that I found weren’t great, but also weren’t terrible. If someone were to ask me how these were, I would respond with, “eh, it was fine, nothing to rave about” or “Oh yeah I completely forgot about that movie.”

Spenser Confidential
Horse Girl
Lost Girls
Bloodshot
John Henry
The Willoughbys
The Half of It
The Photograph
Tigertail
Buffaloed
The Old Guard

Disappointments

These movies were ones that I was hoping would be great, but ended up coming in way below expectations. And I put them in their own category instead of Hot Garbage because I want people to know I had high hopes for these, and I was let down. And I’m sad about it.

Scoob!

Hot Garbage

The following titles are ones that I found to be very bad and/or mentally damaging, and I absolutely do not recommend them.

Stargirl
Disturbing the Peace
The Grudge
The Host
A Fall from Grace
To All the Boys: P.S. I Still Love You
The Postcard Killings
Downhill
The Call of the Wild
The Last Thing He Wanted
Dolittle
Coffee & Kareem
Go Karts
Underwater
The Turning
The Rhythm Section
Fantasy Island
Sergio
Brahms: The Boy 2
Capone
Like a Boss
My Spy
Wendy
The Wrong Missy
Force of Nature
You Should Have Left
The Wretched

Cancerous

The films in this category are a special kind of bad. They are so bad, I believe they are dangerous. If you value your health, please for the love of all things, avoid these movies.

Artemis Fowl

The Final Tally

Best: 22
Honorable Mentions: 13
Eh, It Was Fine: 11
Disappointments: 1
Hot Garbage: 27
Cancerous: 1

Total: 75 (+15 Since Last Post)

Honest Consensus (My opinion): Everything sucks right now. Fortunately, there is a light in this darkness. After many dry months of movies and loss of motivation, things started to pick back up again. I was taken on unexpected wild rides (VHYES, Porno), horror has had a major comeback (Relic, 1BR, The Lodge), and there have been some crazy cinematography (Gretel & Hansel, Greyhound, Enola Holmes). I’m still trying to get over the fact Trolls: World Tour is considered a historical film, and Artemis Fowl was so bad, I had to make a whole new category just for it. I still think Sonic and Bad Boys for Life deserve their respective rankings. I know I included Mulan on my “Most Hyped-For List”, but I’ve lost all interest in seeing it.

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